Why does it all have to be about me?
As if my kids are just some nuisance! I know I am, better to say we are, overwhelmed. Overwhelmed with the financial matters, the current state of our country, the parenting demands, our marital demands and so much more. I can realize we are overwhelmed trying to provide the best for our kids and achieve our careers at the same time. I can sense that this feeling of overwhelming is haunting our lives and I can claim we need a break, a rest from all the responsibilities BUT why can't I just see that my kids are still kids? Why can't I understand that they cry for a reason, let it be hunger, boredom or just for missing being by mommy's side? Why can't I understand that they, too, can feel and share the same feeling of being overwhelmed?
Why can't I just see that they favor me over anything else and that they'd rather hug me for the hundredth time in the same day than go and watch some cartoon on youtube? Why can't I just read one more book for God's sake? Why do their tears irritate me thinking that they don't appreciate what I do for them? Do they even have to appreciate it? Why? What if they don't? Does this mean I should stop doing it? Of course not! Then why can't I understand their feelings even if they sound irrational to me? Does it need a Nobel scientist to realize that it is hard for them as much as it is hard for me?
We are stuck at home most of the day for security issues in our country and my older kid feels sad about that. She wants to go out like any other child and act as a child and play as a child. So, why is it too much for me to understand that she acts out the way she does because this is what she is supposed to do in this case? I know that in my mind, I am doing everything possible to make them feel happy and maybe that's why this behavior irritates me the most but it is not her fault and definitely not her responsibility to act out rationally like an adult just because we all are in the same boat.
I need to kiss my kids more, to hug them more, to understand them more, to play with them more, to have more patience with them and to listen to them more. I need to focus more on them and not on me. I need to laugh more with them, sing more with them and paint more with them. They are just kids, the loveliest kids on my Earth. They are not a block on my way, I love them more than anything and anyone else in the whole universe.
Please God, help me be the mother they deserve. I will let go of my need of perfection that was imposed on us, mothers, in today's world. A spotless home, delicious painted means, an outstanding job, very well-behaved kids, perfect family photo!! No, I don't need all of these unrealistic images! I just want my kids to be happy, to trust me, their mother, to be themselves and to feel and understand what really matters in life! I want to embrace my motherhood with them and to embrace their childhood! I don't want one day to look back at the time and regret the time I wasted ignoring them or their needs. I love you Sarah and Farida, I love you so much!
Love & Kisses,Mommy